Loners are constantly reminded of their missing friends and social life because everyone else seems to have it all: parties, vacations, events, social drama, text messages, blackberry bbms, new relationships, hook ups, people, dates and fun. It is both intimidating and frustrating to see the social world that surrounds you when you are alone.
You walk around the mall and everyone else is busy on their phones making plans. Feeling intimidated, you take out your phone to check to see if the person you texted replied back, but there's nothing. For someone who is socially isolated and rejected, it's nearly impossible not to compare what everyone else has to what you don't.
Some people aren't available for friendship
While you may expect us to tell you have other people's busyness is just an illusion, this is not always the case. There is a large percentage of the population that is unavailable for friendship. It's important that you understand not everyone is a potential friend.
People's lives are commonly dominated by the jobs, the schooling, their romantic relationships, and their friends. Any one of these factors can render a person unavailable for friendship.
For a loser who finally gets up the courage to try to form a friendship with someone, asking someone who is too busy and unavailable for friendship can be a demoralizing experience. The loser will undouvtedly encounter indicators of social rejection such as slow or no text replies and the person will show no interest.
This is a problem for the loser because they take the rejection personally, when it is merely a reflection of the other person's unavailability. Sometimes social rejection is personal and based on factors personal the the person being rejected, but you must understand that even in ideal circumstances you will be rejecting because some people are simply busy.
How to handle people who are busy socially
The first thing you need to do is not get demoralized and understand that in order to find suitable people who are available for friendship, you will have to encounter those who are not.
Busyness is common in the adult world and often comes and goes in stages. As people enter and exit relationships and face the ups and downs of their work life, their availability for friendship will increase and decrease. Sometimes, making a friend is largely dependant on these extraneous circumstances that are beyond your control
If you have an active social life, you'll notice that people will come in and out of your life at various times. This is normal and reflective of other people's schedules.
As a loser who is trying to develop friendships and break in, you must continually remind yourself that unavailability is normal and not take it personally. Loners, who are naturally more sensitive, often give up or quit trying to make friends as a result of an improper reaction to other people simply being unavailable.
Whether a person is a suitable candidate for friendship or not, it is extremely important that you do not over react to negative reactions. You never want to show your weaknesses or indicate to the other person that you are angry, frustrated, or passionate about communicating with them.
When it comes to social interaction, it is never a good idea to appear over excited. When people use the word "cool" as being a positive social demeanor or personality description, it described someone who is perceived as laid back, relaxed, and easy to get along with. If you want to succeed socially you need to work to give off this impression.
- Facebook depressing
- Everyone else is busy
- Slow responses to texts
- "I have no friends"
- Indicators of social rejection
- Depressed by old pictures
- People don't initiate contact
- Having no social circle
- Fat people with no friends
- Never invited places
- Lonely people who stop trying
- Aging and friendlessness
- Fears and problems
- Rejection by flaking
- Dating: men vs. women
Identity and Backgrounds