After being rejected socially for years, loners will often quit trying to talk to people and no longer seek friendships and relationships. The pain associated with being unwanted, combined with the years of wasted effort that have been invested in trying to make friends and gain relationships often leads to them concluding that trying is not worth it anymore. They have invited people, asked about plans, texted people with no reply, had people flake on them and waste their time so often and so consistently that they essentially say “the hell with it”. Women are tired of hot guys disappearing after sex and men are tired of putting effort into people and getting nothing in return
How does a loner’s behavior and looks change after they have given up?
Loners (both men and women) will typically stop caring about their appearance. They no longer bother trying to dress nice and instead dress comfy. They may also not put effort into personal grooming. The biggest factor is weight gain. If there is no social benefit to be derived from controlling their eating and spending money on their appearance, then why restrict oneselvelf for nothing? No matter how hard they try the result is the same: rejection, loneliness, and wasted effort.
Along with the weight gain and physical appearance changes, the loner’s personality will often change for the worse. They become bitter and more selfish. They will be less likely to feel empathy for other people. They also will grow more paranoid of other people – sometimes even thinking that someone or some authority (police) are out to get them. Some will begin to gain a paranoia over potential health problems, being a victim or a crime, or other fears.
As the loner gives up, and as their appearance and personality go downhill, they will sometimes look to professionals for help. Often medication such as antidepressants are prescribed to help deal with the isolation in their lives. In 2014, drugs like Wellbutrin,
Lexapro/Cipralex are being prescribed more and more often to chemically replace the happiness missing from social interaction.
Defensiveness in the attitudes of adult loners with no friends
Loners not only project bitterness towards other people, they also, as a defense mechanism to being perceived as a failure, be the first people to declare how happy, successful, or well off they are. This bragging not only comes across as unusual (and pathetic) to normal people, it is normally seen as an indicator of weakness. People who are happy with their lives don’t have to go out of their way to try to tell people – they are too busy being happy.
Trying to overcompensate for what their lives are lacking not only signals to the world that the person is an obvious weak minded loser, it also makes the person even more unlikable. This becomes another part of the cycle as the person grows fatter, more bitter, more annoying, and less likable.
Does being a loner and facing constant rejection lead to mental illness?
Depression and anxiety that accompanies being alone and rejected are mental illnesses. A person’s mental state may continue to spiral downward as they age. Many homeless people who have developed severe mental illnesses started with simply being a rejected loner. For these people, their lives become worse over time. This is why it is important for a loner to do everything they can to change their lives and develop a social life before it is too late.
Isolation that results from a culture that is afraid of strangers and only accepts new friends who are referred through social circles and other known parties
People in the US are very polite and friendly to strangers on the surface or in trivial ways. They will hold doors open for each other, say thank you, and are generally quite polite. The friendliness towards strangers goes only so far as common courtesy however because when it comes to forming a relationship or a friendship with a stranger people are very guarded.
In America, the only acceptable way to meet someone is through a social circle, existing friends, or perhaps through school or in the workplace. Any other way of meeting someone is generally frowned upon.
Random, creepy, weird etc. tags being applied to strangers
To actually socialize beyond small talk, or try to form a relationship with a stranger is a social taboo in America. It is considered to be breaking a social norm and often will result in the person being shunned and rejected if not done properly. Factors such as the age and attractiveness of the person attempting to be social with a stranger in public to the stranger will also determine the likeliness of success. A good looking male model type guy who approaches a female stranger is seen as confident and sexy, while a fat bald guy who does the same thing would be labeled a creepy loser.
A lonely society that shuns social interaction by people wanting to meet others, how is that possible?
It is possible because most people are not lonely. Most people have friends and family that they interact with regularly. For these people, it is not a problem. They don’t need anyone new in their lives and do not want to socialize with strangers.
While most people have social lives, friends, and relationships, there are millions who don’t. Approximately 20% of the adult population have no friends or family who they socialize with regularly. For these people, the “trust and deal with only people you know” type culture of America is absolutely devastating. It takes friends and connections to make friends. Some will try, often in vain, to join yoga classes and partake in group activities to build relationships but often these attempts go nowhere. They are seemingly forever alone in a society where everyone else is interconnected and having a good time.
When it comes to socializing and making friends, you are either on the inside or the outside. It is an all or nothing type of social atmosphere throughout America (and Canada, UK, Australia).
- Facebook depressing
- Everyone else is busy
- Slow responses to texts
- "I have no friends"
- Indicators of social rejection
- Depressed by old pictures
- People don't initiate contact
- Having no social circle
- Fat people with no friends
- Never invited places
- Lonely people who stop trying
- Aging and friendlessness
- Fears and problems
- Rejection by flaking
- Dating: men vs. women
Identity and Backgrounds